Do you feel sick to your stomach if your partner plays alone? Or get angry if they seem to share an intimate moment with someone else during your foursome?
If so, you might have an insecure attachment triggering these reactions.
In "Polysecure" the writer, Jessice Fern, a polyamorous pschyotherapist, looks at attachment theory through the lense of non-monogamy. She starts out by looking at attachement theory and the different dimensions of attachement, before moving into consensual non-monogamy and the importance of attachement in these relationship models. Finally she moves into a more practical section where she gives you six strategies for creating a more secure attachment in your relatinships.
Although this book is clearly geared towards the polyamorous part of the consensual non-monogamy community, a lot of the information is still relevant for those in the lifestyle or open relationships.
Although I find the HEARTS acronomy of the six strategies a wee bit contrived, I do think it is usefull to understand one's own attachment style a bit better. By understanding why certain things might be triggering to you, you are better equipped to handle the emotions when they arise and also start healing any attachement wounds you might have.
Have you read it?
What did you think of it?
I/we have not, but thanks for the reading tip! We are a couple who are just getting started. And we both have different thoughts and feelings of the other playing alone. It’s both exciting and a little bit scary at the same time 😂
Sharing is a different story. So again thanks for the reading tip 👍